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Seniors Make Pudding Through Adversity
Written by Millbank Daily-Weekly   

Highly Contagious Illness Won't Keep Seniors From Preparing Food Favorite

Ill Senior Prepares FoodThe residents of the Downhill Moderate Senior Living Facility have survived war, floods and the Great Raccoon Scare of 1982. They aren’t going to be stopped by the highly contagious Norwalk Virus, a food-borne illness that causes nausea, vomiting and explosive diarrhea.

“We don’t stop,” said resident Laverne Mayhew, one of the facility residents hard at work making butterscotch pudding when not resting or using the bathroom.

As Ms. Mayhew hand stirred a batch she added , “We can’t stop; some of us are the Greatest Generation. A few of the younger ones are the second greatest. And then there’s Dale. Who knows what the hell he is? Besides, there’s still too much pudding to make.”

The Taste of Millbank will be held in Ottoman Park in the middle of August. That means Downhill residents have already been hard at work so that their butterscotch pudding develops its beloved thick and rubbery skin by the time festival starts.

As almost all Millbank residents know, the butterscotch pudding is the main attraction at the Taste of Millbank, an annual celebration of local culinary culture. The pudding is so popular that locals bypass and scorn virtually every other food offering in favor of it, and have often waited in line for up to six hours just for a small bowl. Shortages in previous years  have resulted in riots and hooliganism.

Understandably, then, the first concern of residents and city officials when informed of the gravely ill seniors was how it would impact pudding supplies. But Irvin Hoyt, manager of the Downhill facility said that while the seniors have been slowed by more frequent bathroom breaks and naps, they are working through the illness. Even the four days that the facility was without toilet paper hasn’t stopped the industrious elders.

According to an unnamed janitorial source, the spread of the virus appears to have started shortly after Discount Shrimp night in the facility’s dining hall. Downhill staff report that based on the sounds emanating from the restrooms in the facility they believe all 64 residents have fallen ill.

“While it is true that our elderly people are dehydrated and weak, they are still productive,” said Irvin Hoyt, the Downhill Moderate Senior Living Facility’s general manager. “Some have been working so hard they cut their hands or literally have sweat dripping off them, and they just keep working.”

Mr. Hoyt explained that butterscotch pudding sales provide 95% of the facility’s entertainment budget, which cover bus outings, air conditioning and towels. He said residents have also found a used ping-pong table in the local swap sheet they’d like to buy and have therefore increased their output.

 

 

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Today in Millbank History

August 18, 1934

Esquire Nelson, failed furniture mogul, dies under the Water River bridge.  His last words are said to be "Mr. Sofa Guy ...revenge."

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