Pudding Sales a Record at Taste of Millbank
Local News - Newsmakers
Written by Millbank Daily-Weekly   
Saturday, 19 August 2017 13:55

Also record revenue for portable toilet rentals and medical services.

The Downhill Moderate Senior Living Facility reported record revenue from the sale of butterscotch pudding at this year’s Taste of Millbank Festival. Irvin Hoyt, manager at the Downhill said the residents were particularly pleased because of the hardship they went through in making the pudding, easily the most popular food option at the festival.

“All of our residents were sick, and I mean all of them, violently, explosively. But they persevered,” said Mr. Hoyt. “They didn’t let vomit, diarrhea or runny noses, keep them out of the kitchen.” The illness he referred to was a particularly viral form of the Norwalk Virus, a highly contagious flu that swept through the Downhill facility and enfeebled virtually all of its residents.

Despite the Norwalk Virus and the resulting shortage of toilet paper and disposable gloves, Downhill residents made their largest batch of butterscotch pudding in history. For the first time, the amount produced almost satisfied the demand of Millbank residents and forestalled the riots that have become an inevitable conclusion to the Taste of Millbank.

“Best pudding ever,” declared Mayor Mr. Sofa Guy as he ate what he reported as his sixth serving. “There’s an undefinable, special something in the butterscotch this year. It feels alive with flavor.”

Long Line for Urgent Care after Taste of Millbank FestivalDownhill residents report they will use the record revenues to pay for luxury upgrades at the facility, including railings for the stairs, bus passes, increased access to the exercise yard and a used ping pong table for the basement.

Mayor Mr. Sofa Guy declared the Taste of Millbank Festival a major success, stating that despite decreased sales at other food booths two other local businesses set revenue records. Both the Millbank Urgent Care and John’s Bonnie Johns, a local provider of portable toilets, reported nearly 400% increases in revenue.

Although not an official part of the Festival, the Urgent Care benefited from increased traffic. reported long lines snaking out of the clinic and waits of two-to-three hours each day of the event. Mary Caravan, lead nurse at the clinic, said she believed the increased traffic was a result of people overindulging in the flavorful delights, resulting in “flu-like” symptoms.

John Teufel, owner of John’s Bonnie Johns, said the increase in toilet usage is a mixed blessing. “We couldn’t set them up fast enough at the Festival this year. We had planned for a dozen and ended up providing every last one of the sixty I own. And there were still long lines.” Teufel added that he will be using some of his new revenue on full-body biohazard suits for his employees, who have months of hard scrubbing ahead, as the portable toilets were “rode hard and put away wet.”

Mayor Mr. Sofa Guy reiterated the overall success of the Festival. “Whatever the folks at the Downhill did different this year, I hope they do it every year! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I, uh, have a very urgent appointment.”

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